(It Was A) Happy Mother's Day!

Yes, I know I'm a week late. But it was actually a very good week for Mee Maw.

Last Sunday evening, my parents told me that they, along with the other two sons and daughters-in-law that live locally, spent the afternoon of Mother's Day with Mee Maw at the home. They said that she was practically her old self all afternoon. She was laughing and joking with them, her eyes were bright and focused, and she carried on conversations like there was nothing at all wrong.

Throughout this week there have been a few minor moments, but they seem to revolve around the pain medication that she takes. Apparently it is strong enough that it clouds her mind somewhat, but once the initial effects of the medications wear off, she is back to normal. Other than those few times of minor confusion, she has a very good, very alert week.

Word has it that she has even been eating better this week. I am glad to hear that, because her mind needs nutrition to keep functional. If she doesn't eat at all, then the mind has no resources with which to work.

Yesterday she was lonely, however. Saturday was probably the first day since she has lived at the assisted-living facility that no one went to visit her. My parents were in Mississippi for a music recital featuring some of their grandkids. Roni was keeping her grandchildren, and James spent the day working with his youngest son. I do not know about Ralph and his family.

Mee Maw called my parent's house at 7:00 last night and informed the answering machine that she was still waiting for a visit and that when they came, they should bring her a snack "because I'm hungry!" Mom and Dad did not get home until after 8:00, and James said today that that was about the time he got home from working. By then it was too late for anyone to drive across town to see her.

They all visited this Sunday afternoon, and my brother Philip and his wife and son also appeared. According to Dad, Mee Maw really perks up when one of her great-grandchildren comes in to see her. Though she may seem confused or distant when others are around, she has not yet failed to respond to one of the fourth-generation brood.

I'm willing to donate one (or more) of mine to live with her if others will do the same. Maybe having a bunch of kids around will keep her sane longer.

Sane? Maybe not.

OK. Bad idea. Forget that I said that.

But I'm not deleting it! Maybe someone will find it amusing.


Back to Mee Maw: More of us need to visit her or have contact with her more often. Maybe send her a card or a short note. Anything will do to let her know that we all care about her. She has told her sons that she considers herself a burden to them. Let's let her know that she is NOT a burden, but an immense blessing!!!

Scratching Where It Itches

Seventy-two years ago today, Mee Maw gave birth to her third son, Ernest (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!). He will tell you that it was the best day of her life. His brothers beg to differ, of course.

After lunch, my parents went to visit Mee Maw. They found her in her pajamas and sitting in her chair, staring blankly at the TV. She did not have her glasses on, so she could not clearly see what was on. Dad greeted her and asked her if she "remembered what happened 72 years ago today". She looked at him with that blank stare. Further questions brought monosyllabic answers or grunts. Never could they get her to engage them in conversation. They couldn't even get her to sing "Happy Birthday" in a minor key as she has always done for her son.

They got her glasses and tried to get her involved in conversation or in doing something. They even tried changing the TV to "Animal Planet", which she usually enjoys, but since the program was about dog funerals and pet cemeteries they thought that something else might be more appropriate.

Towards the end of the visit Mee Maw began reaching behind her shoulder as if to scratch her back. Mom offered to scratch for her and finally got something resembling an enthusiastic response. Mee Maw adjusted her chair and leaned forward for Mom to start. The more her back was scratched, the more vocal she became with her grunts and notes of pleasure. Mom rubbed some lotion on a dry patch of skin on her shoulder, which apparently was the source of the initial discomfort. When the ministrations were over, Mee Maw sat back in her chair and resumed the blank stare.

After a few more tries at talking to her, Dad announced that he had to return to work. He kissed his mother and was pleased to get a kiss in return.

Later in the afternoon my wife went up to see her. She took the boys and our daughter, who just graduated from Bob Jones University last Saturday (CONGRATULATIONS, ALLY!!!). Mee Maw was in bed, but all the lights were on in the room, the TV was on, and the door was open. Lori and the kids sat on the bed with her and chatted. Mee Maw seemed happy to see them. She called all three kids by name and commented on each of them. She was pleased to hear of Ally's achievement. She remembered that it was her son Ernest's birthday, but she insisted that she had been to Florida to try to find him a birthday present.

As the visit wound down, Mee Maw began squirming on the bed as though her back was bothering her. Lori offered to help turn down her shirt collar, which she said was itching. When Lori volunteered to scratch, she found a very willing back. By the time she finished, she was using both hands on Mee Maw's back, scratching furiously to the accompaniment of the "scratchee's" sounds of pleasure. Lori commented later that if Mee Maw had been a puppy, she probably would have been thumping a hind leg!

Lori left after turning out the main room lights. Mee Maw was a bit confused when she was asked about it, but when the lights were out she admitted that they had been hurting her eyes. Just before leaving Lori reminded her that she usually had a "chore list" for her to do when she visited. Rather than commenting on that, Mee Maw simply looked up and said, "I love you, Lori." With that, the family left.

The last week has seen a great deal of deterioration. Some of it may be because someone from the local Hospice prescribed morphine drops for Mee Maw because of her pain. Once the medication started, Mee Maw seemed like she was existing in another dimension or something. Of course, Ralph was out of town last week, and he usually keeps up on her medical condition and prescriptions. He "came unglued" when he learned of the morphine. Others of us, my parents included, were also upset. Even some of the staff at the facility were against it. At the family's insistence, the morphine was stopped on Tuesday.

While medicated, Mee Maw hardly ate anything and became too weak to stand without assistance. Yesterday Mom and Roni got her to eat some soup. Lori reported this evening that she had crumbs of some variety around her mouth, as though she had eaten dinner or had a snack of some type. So maybe removal of the narcotic and a few good meals will bring her back into our world for a little while longer. There was a significant improvement between 1:00 and 6:00 today.

If you are family and you have not visited her, please do. We do not know how many more days, weeks, or months the Lord will allow her to grace us with her presence. Come and see her and make her day a little less boring. Scratch her where it itches. You (and she) will be glad that you did.

UPDATE MAY 11: Oldest son Alfred left yesterday for a trip back home to North Carolinal. A day late because of the trip, he called his younger brother to wish him a belated happy birthday. Alfred told Dad that he visited Mee Maw before leaving and that she was mostly unresponsive to him, too. "The only reaction we got out of her was when we scratched her back," he recounted. So maybe this is a new way to communicate. We will all have to remember this.